I had the opportunity to preach on John 11 recently and in an attempt to cut my sermon down, I left out an observation I made about Jesus and friendship.  It was easy to miss but not because it was hidden.  It was actually there in plain sight.  Jesus valued friendship AND made time for it.  Listen to the language John uses to describe Jesus’ relationship with the sister/brother combo of Martha, Mary and Lazarus.  “He whom you love is ill.” (v. 3)  “Now Jesus loved Martha, and her sister, and Lazarus.” (v.5) He loved and treasured these friends.

I think because I have not always made time for friendship, this truth both convicts and encourages me.  It’s easy for me to think of Jesus as a ministry machine of preaching, discipling and healing.  How could he make time for friends with so much to do and so little time to do it in?  It seems like friendship would have been a distraction for Jesus…a luxury that Jesus couldn’t afford.

What I’ve come to understand is that friendship for Jesus (and for us) is fundamental to who we are.  Jesus didn’t just have friends to set an example for us. He needed friendship.  He needed it because His humanity called for it.  To be fully human is to have friends.  In what sense, you ask?  Consider a few things…

• Friendship completes our humanity

I think C. S. Lewis explains that best in his chapter on Friendship in The Four Loves.  He writes: “Friendship arises out of mere companionship when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden).  The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, “What? You too? I thought I was the only one.”  

What he’s saying is that when we like something, it is not enough for us to keep it to ourselves.  We want (and need) to find someone we can share that interest with.  When we find that person, the joy that we experience as an individual is multiplied when we can share that treasure (or burden) with another person.

Have you had one of those moments when you discovered that a friends like the same restaurant or same movie or same band that you did?  Did it heighten your joy knowing that you could share that with someone else?  Of course it did.

I love what John wrote in his second epistle.  He wrote: Though I have much to write to you, I would rather not use paper and ink. Instead I hope to come to you and talk face to face, so that our joy may be complete. (2 John 12)

John’s joy would be made complete when he could be with his friends to share their mutual love for Christ and one another.

• Friendship brings out our humanity

You may know that C. S. Lewis and J. R. R. Tolkien (Lewis affectionately called him Ronald) were very good friends.  It was actually Tolkien’s norse mythology that was instrumental in Lewis’ conversion to Christianity.  Lewis and Tolkien were part of a group of writers and professors called The Inklings and they met regularly at a pub to swap stories and share criticism for one another’s stories.

One of the writers in that group, Charles Williams, was also good friends with Lewis and Tolkien and the three of them spent a great deal of time together.  Lewis often wished that he could have Tolkien to himself instead of having to share him with Williams.  Lewis eventually got his wish after Charles died.  But what he later realized was that much of what he loved about Ronald was actually brought out of him by Charles.  He writes, “Now that Charles is dead, I shall never again see Ronald’s reaction to a specifically Caroline joke.  Far from having more of Ronald, having him “to myself” now that Charles is away, I have less of Ronald.”

I think this is an extraordinary realization.  That part of Tolkien’s humanity, which Lewis enjoyed so much, was the result of Charles Williams in his life.  Without Charles to bring it out of Tolkien, he was less himself than when he was with Williams around.  Friendship brings out our humanity.

• Friendship completes our maturity/character

Listen to how the Proverbs talk about friendship.

“Better is open rebuke than hidden love.  Faithful are the wounds of a friend.” (Proverbs 27:5-6)

“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:14

 “Whoever rebukes a man will afterward find more favor than he who flatters with his tongue.” Proverbs 28:23

Rebuke…wounds…iron sharpening iron.  Sounds painful doesn’t it?  In order to complete our maturity we need friends who can help us see ourselves as we truly are.  We need a friend to peel beneath the veneer of our actions and peer into our heart.  To challenge us, even rebuke us, when we need it.

Why is this necessary?  In the same way it is difficult for a person to see the forest for the trees because they are right in the middle of the forest, it is also difficult for us to see the whole of our life because we are living in the midst of it.  We need someone who understands the picture of our life so they can help us achieve that.  That’s what a friend does.

Do you have those kinds of friends?  Those who can complete and bring out your humanity?  Those who can help complete your maturity.  You probably have at one time, but maybe like me, you’ve not made time for them.  Let’s follow Jesus’ example and make time for our friends.  We’ve no idea how much we need them.